I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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