You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
