I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
