If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
