nut hugger
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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