I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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