Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
