I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
