His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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