you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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