Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
