Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
