did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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