Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
