Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
