Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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