Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is Oprah even human
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
