If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
