why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
