I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
