brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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