i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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