Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
