I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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