I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
