well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
