dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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