I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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