I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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