ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
