hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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