i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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