is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
