i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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