there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry