I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.