do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?