I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
