I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING