I just pynch a tree in the face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?