I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.