apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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