Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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  (713): I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist... http://tfl.nu/i7x2
  Replies (15) Good night (4866) Bad night (869)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.

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  (519): I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/m5l5
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (3754)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

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  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (4169) Bad night (1655)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other

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  (857): other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other http://tfl.nu/ii3b
  Replies (10) Good night (1617) Bad night (2876)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.

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  (256): Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/t36d
  Replies (3) Good night (2492) Bad night (802)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.

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  (425): I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool. (1-425): No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes. http://tfl.nu/wqbv
  Replies (2) Good night (2455) Bad night (802)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

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  (705): We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL? http://tfl.nu/ejsn
  Replies (12) Good night (2902) Bad night (729)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vagina supports interfraternal relations

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  (215): My vagina supports interfraternal relations http://tfl.nu/ji34
  Replies (9) Good night (1618) Bad night (752)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.

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  (772): She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me. http://tfl.nu/4pez
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (1641)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.

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  (402): Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling. http://tfl.nu/cu5s
  Replies (16) Good night (458) Bad night (1963)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess

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  (757): think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess http://tfl.nu/lfhg
  Replies (5) Good night (735) Bad night (438)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.

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  (206): I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family. http://tfl.nu/468g
  Replies (1) Good night (1459) Bad night (410)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!

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  (612): Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend? (701): In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing! http://tfl.nu/fqw2
  Replies (11) Good night (2085) Bad night (497)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.

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  (317): Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced. http://tfl.nu/5tm9
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (955)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed

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  (508): all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed http://tfl.nu/18hn
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (361)

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