I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
