Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
