Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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