He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
