If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
