I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
