chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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