I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
