i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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