The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
