Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
