I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have aggressive nipples.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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