All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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