That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
