She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
