i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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