True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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