you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
