my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
