It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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