Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
