the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
