you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
