You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
