I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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