Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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