everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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