That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
