Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
