why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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