I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
