Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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