I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
