I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
