i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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