Soap is not a condiment
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
